he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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