When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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