i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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