things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
