Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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