I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
