I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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