so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize