we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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