i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize