i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This girl is more easily done than said...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
