Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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