So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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