If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
