Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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