So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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