Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize