if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
