Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
