Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
