Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
