I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
