I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
