Pants 0. Shit 1.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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