so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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