3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
