even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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