Sry I called you an 8
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
