you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The air was thick with penises
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
