did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
