I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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