allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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