i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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