Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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