Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
