He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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