Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
