Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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