I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish I only lived at night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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