can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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