hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
