I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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