we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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