I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it glows. i had to have it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
