I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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