I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
