You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize