I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
