I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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