The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
