I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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