my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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