It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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