shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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