Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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