so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
