Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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