No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
