4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
