For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
