Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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