I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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