i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
