i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
