After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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