Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
