How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
